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div.b-mobile {display:none;} </style> </head> <body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/18102217?origin\x3dhttp://yvinne.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>  <div id="content">  <div id="main"><div id="main2"> <h1 id="blog-mobile-title"> <a href="http://yvinne.blogspot.com/"> ^MacHead eats an aPPle A day^ </a> </h1> <p id="description-mobile"></p> <h2 class="date-header">Wednesday, January 04, 2006</h2>  <div class="post"><a name="113638373285451202"></a> <h3 class="post-title"> Losing someone dear is the hardest thing to deal with.. </h3> <div class="post-body"> <p> <div style="clear:both;"></div>These few days I felt really down. I was told that my dearest teacher Mrs.Chan passed away two days ago. She died of leukaemia. She was the most cheerful person I ever met. Continuously, cracking jokes trying to make her class as interesting as ever. I have to say English was never my favourite subject but I enjoyed being there. I always thought she would live a long life and enjoy her remaining days with her beloved children and grandchildren. I just couldn’t believe that she is gone now. Frankly speaking, this is my first time feeling so crappy, knowing someone that is so dear to me had left and yet I did not have a chance to say goodbye. I felt my heart is crushed because I would never able to see her again. Seriously, I don’t like this feeling and I have not learned to adapt to this situation. I felt so blank and clueless. In fact, I do not think I can accept this reality yet, not in near future- knowing she is gone now ... I am just not ready for it. Come to think of it, this is worse than being heartbroken or being dumped by your partner because you will never have a chance to say sorry or say whatever you longed to say to that person all these while anymore. There is so much I want to tell her about what had happened in my life in these past few years. It is a great loss to me and I have no idea how to face this personally. After all, she is someone that made my life brighter somewhere in my teenage life. It is really shocking for me, especially I did not expect this at all. Certainly,not at this time of the year, especially everyone was in a joyous mood, celebrating the festive seasons with their loved ones. Imagining how her family members grieve now made me feel hurt deep inside. In that split second, I thought to myself I have so much things to tell her, I could have done some much, I could have visited her , I could have contacted her earlier, I could have at least sent a card and the list goes on… Last Christmas I sent her a sms and she replied me. Foolish me, I thought she was fine though I knew she was not well for these past years. I felt so bad that I procrastinated to visit her and kept telling myself that she would be there and she is gonna be fine the next time I come back. Never have I thought the time would never come. Never have I thought I would never see her again. I made a mistake. A huge one. I felt there is a very odd feeling dwelling within me, somehow or rather with guilt..<br /><br />Flashbacks of the past kept coming back, they are like slideshows now in my head. Each time I see them, my heart ached. I wish I could have one more chance…a friend of mine told me to look at the bright side. He told me “At least she is free from the sufferings and God has taken her to a better place”. Maybe he is right… maybe she deserves somewhere better, perhaps a place nearer to God. I do believe God has great plans for each of us. Maybe I just need to learn to let go…I have to admit it has always been a lesson that I never able to grasp at all…wish I could one day…God bless everyone!<div style="clear:both; padding-bottom:0.25em"></div> </p> </div> <p class="post-footer"> <em>posted by ^yViNn3^ @ <a href="http://yvinne.blogspot.com/2006/01/losing-someone-dear-is-hardest-thing.html" title="permanent link">1:58 PM</a></em> <span class="item-control blog-admin pid-14242081"><a style="border:none;" href="https://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=18102217&postID=113638373285451202&from=pencil" title="Edit Post"><img class="icon-action" alt="" src="https://resources.blogblog.com/img/icon18_edit_allbkg.gif" height="18" width="18"></a></span> </p> </div>   <div id="comments"> <a name="comments"></a> <h4>0 Comments:</h4> <dl id="comments-block"> </dl> <p class="comment-timestamp"> <a class="comment-link" href="https://www.blogger.com/comment/fullpage/post/18102217/113638373285451202" onclick="window.open(this.href, 'bloggerPopup', 'toolbar=0,scrollbars=1,location=0,statusbar=1,menubar=0,resizable=1,width=400,height=450');return false;">Post a Comment</a> </p> <p id="postfeeds">Subscribe to Post Comments [<a target="_blank" href="http://yvinne.blogspot.com/feeds/113638373285451202/comments/default" type="application/atom+xml">Atom</a>]</p> <p class="comment-timestamp"> <a href="http://yvinne.blogspot.com/"><< Home</a> </p> </div>  </div></div>   <div id="sidebar"><div id="sidebar2"> <h1 id="blog-title"> <a href="http://yvinne.blogspot.com/"> ^MacHead eats an aPPle A day^ </a> </h1> <p id="description"></p>  <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrI7moWFtQ3qmhbTvm34jcPJwMWLl7PlZV7hwWiMvM14ErdyOu90rBl7FWZAvxxGevv7AgpTZ6FtS0BSjd3AtNzh6vK7JfoKq7RotFIsnJSj8mY6CHJoHtyJ3PXOTWJ5KW8xbtwQ/s100-h/250px-Apple_Computer_Logo.svg.png"><img style="display:block; margin:00px ; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrI7moWFtQ3qmhbTvm34jcPJwMWLl7PlZV7hwWiMvM14ErdyOu90rBl7FWZAvxxGevv7AgpTZ6FtS0BSjd3AtNzh6vK7JfoKq7RotFIsnJSj8mY6CHJoHtyJ3PXOTWJ5KW8xbtwQ/s220/300px-Apple_Computer_Logo.svg.png" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5209841644969700994" /></a> </span></div>   <script language="javascript"> var chatterbox = 'no'; </script> <script language="javascript" src="http://chatter.flooble.com/chatter.php?js=true&id=mixedbanana&sid=4499331"> </script><noscript> <a href="http://chatter.flooble.com/chatter.php?id=mixedbanana&sid=4499331&popup=true&w=480&h=400" target="flooblechatterbox" onClick="window.open('about:blank','flooblechatterbox','toolbar=no,location=no,directories=no,status=no,menubar=no,scrollbars=yes,resizable=no,copyhistory=no,width=480,height=400');return true;"> <img src="http://img.flooble.com/images/chatter/chaticon.gif" border="0" align="absbottom">Talk</a> in my <a href="http://chatter.flooble.com/">flooble chatterbox, a free javascript chat tag board / shoutbox / tagboard program for your xanga, diary, blogger or weblog</a> | <a href="http://www.flooble.com/scripts/">get free javascript games and effects</a> </noscript> <script language="javascript"> if (!chatterbox || chatterbox != 'ok') { document.write('This <a href="http://chatter.flooble.com/">flooble chatterbox</a> is'); document.write(' temporarily unavailable. 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